Mental Health Monday week1

Hi Thinking out loud here xx :D

It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve done a post that hasn’t been a poem, its also been two weeks since I last uploaded so feel like this is going to be a much-needed upload. Plus it’s early and on a Monday which never happens. So grab a drink, a snack and a comfy seat this could get long.

I like a lot of people I think have found this year to be a weird one, my brain is starting to get a little bored of itself, I think being an introvert and staying in is suitable for a little while, but even we need to remember that the outside world isn’t completely bad and getting some fresh air and exercise is very much needed. (Note to self here that getting out of my own thoughts is always needed.) It is a little more challenging with COVID and second waves seeming to be happening in more places, but that shouldn’t stop us from being outside, open areas and distancing is doable and is relatively easy as I have found this weekend with the fam.

Towards the end of last week, I was starting to let my thoughts take over, I was starting to overthink everything, something that doesn’t happen often but when it does, it’s like everything is hitting all at once. I allow my thoughts to build up, and it’s hard to not let that happen. That’s when I start to get so into writing and forget about other things that are good for me and help clear my brain.

Because of the nature of the things I write, it’s so easy for my thoughts to go into overdrive, so when my cousin said on Saturday about booking into yoga I allowed myself to book as well, (I say allowed myself because a lot of the time I talk myself out of going when I know how much I love it when we go.) Plus who wouldn’t want to go when you have your favourite Scotsman teaching the class.

Saturday was the start of head-clearing, and a very much needed and overdue hot yoga class, and my best one yet, my body had clearly missed it and was very ready to be back in the hot and sweaty studio. I actually for the first time followed my breath, allowed myself to enjoy it, despite forgetting one of the positions involved standing on our knuckles, the day before the recycling bin lid had slammed partly shut on one of mine (I had to miss out standing on one finger but pushed on with the others, it made my balance a little off, I was happy with myself that I persisted, something that before COVID, I would have sat down on my towel and skipped completely.)

I was able to do all the bending back movements, including the one that really cool guitarists do. I knew I could do it, but as I said to my cousin whenever we got to that part I was always getting to the point of being over that part of the class, but Saturday was different. Saturday made me appreciate what I knew I was able to do, what I knew I really do enjoy and what I had missed, I don’t know what was different maybe my mindset, perhaps the physical and mental need of yoga. Perhaps it was knowing how good it is both physically and mentally or simply, being with a teacher who genuinely loves yoga, loves teaching and loves helping us with our practice as much as we love helping him with his.

I also got some vacuuming done, it’s mundane I know but seeing little crumbs and purple feathers everywhere (the little cousin has been practising a dance that she hopefully has coming up, that is all dependant on how COVID goes, in the next little while. Her costume has these purple feathers that come off every time she moves.) So that was Saturday the start of head-clearing, something I don’t think I have needed more than I did, a little side note the way I described it to my cousin after yoga was I had been getting so into my thoughts and as we always say we never regret going to yoga, we are always thankful for it, and always say we need to go more, something I am determined to do.

Our yoga place has all the required restrictions, they do a deep clean after every class, and some positions have been changed for now, and teachers aren’t allowed to help with moving us into the correct position if we are a little out. They are so aware of how much yoga is needed, classes are much smaller, and the need for booking is now required. We have taped lines for where our mats go, so we don’t touch our neighbours, it’s a little weird considering sometimes in some positions we do end up touching, those have been altered slightly, so we don’t touch. A bizarre concept to get your head around for sure.

Sunday I carried on with the head-clearing, we went for such a lovely earlyish morning walk to see some wild kangaroos and koalas, something I will never tire or get bored of seeing, the kangaroos were everywhere though we only saw one koala spotted by me, I earned the dollar (still waiting for it.) We then did gardening in the arvo, clearing and tidying the front garden which ended up being four trailer loads of green waste to add to the drying pile at the bottom of the garden to burn before fire restrictions set in, I have a feeling they will be put in place soon given today is the last day of winter.

We all agreed that on weekends we need to go for a walk, especially as soon we will hopefully be having a little puppy joining the fam. We all noticed that we’ve been getting tied down with work, renos and gardening, not necessarily being together as a fam during those times. But this weekend has put in motion a new plan, and one I think will be beneficial. I guess me partly voicing me getting too into my thoughts helped.

I don’t talk about my overthinking a lot I do keep a lot of things to myself, I always have, and I know I still will, part of the reason why I started writing was so I had an outlet for the overthinking, granted that was through the form of lyrics, which with now going onto novel writing has over time changed that outlet, and I have let the lyric and thought writing slip. With having let it slip, I will help myself more by getting back into that. Its shown to me that with talking and saying what I think we’ve all in away needed was good. I’m not good with opening up, I find it quite confronting, talking about feelings, emotions and general well being, it can be overwhelming which is why I’m happy to write it all down in lyrics that I no know one will see. It at least that way gets it out of my head and frees up some space, take it as if you were to clear space on a computer, Ipad or your phone because you are running out of space, we also need to do that with ourselves if only to minimise the mental build of the daily intake of new information, that happens unknowingly every day.

It’s also been nice getting away from social media, even though I have still in part been on over the weekend. The few hours over both days away from a screen was refreshing, and again something I know I need to do more of to help calm the overthinking.

It’s so easy to let excuses get in the way I know a favourite is “I’d love to do that, but life happens” life does happen, but that shouldn’t mean we should stop living because of work, renos, gardening or other things that over time become mundane, and a little boring. We need to remember that those things will still be there tomorrow or next week, but life will pass us by and what we can do now we won’t always be able to do it. It’s slightly more problematic in some places with restrictions I realise. Still, if you can take time this week or this weekend to spend time on your mental health, whether you struggle with your mental health or you don’t, I think we could all do with a mental detox, step away from screens, step outside, spend time with people in your bubble, and do something you really love, or have been meaning to do but haven’t given yourself the time to do it. There isn’t a better time than right now. This goes without saying but keep COVID in mind keep the distancing if that applies but don’t let it be a thing that stops you from living. Unless you are in lockdown, or in a restriction, there are things you can do at home that allow you to be away from a screen and help clear your mind.

If you are like me, then a mind clearer is much needed and if not a little overdue. I have for a little while been thinking of starting a new series I guess you could call it, a little bit of a kick start to the week, where each week I ramble on about something mental health-related, there is so much to talk about especially at the moment. I know for me as I’ve already said as much as it seems daunting talking about it, it helps. It is hard to talk about, but I want to start getting out of that mindset of we can’t talk about it, it’s taboo to talk about it because honestly, it shouldn’t be, it should be apart of everyday conversations. It should be talked about more openly and not be seen as us not coping because its a subject that isn’t touched. This could involve other things that lead to other topics, which also are seen as unspoken topics. If this year teaches us anything it should be that we need to open up more, we need to talk about what gets us down what helps us when we are down and away of moving forward and looking to things that can and will happen in the future from the good and the bad and ways of coping with everything that happens. It will be called Mental Health Mondays with the week number, so this will be week one. If this is a series you would like let me know in the comments, share it around #MentalHealthMonday and let’s get talking about things that shouldn’t be taboo, let’s help each other, whether we are physically together or supporting from afar, spread the virtual love and hugs and share the happy moments along with the ones that you might need help with, we are stronger and better together so Kia Kaha, Kia Maia, Kia Manawa, Me Te Aroha. Be strong, Be brave, Be Steadfast, with love.

Also, if there is anything specifically that you would like me to talk about, please let me know in the comments, this is something I would like as many people as possible to join in on.

Thank you as always for reading. I hope you have a lovely day. 

Love always Thinking out lout xx :D

Periods

Hey Thinking out loud here :D

Another week with a sit-down blog post, so again, much like two weeks ago get a drink and a comfy seat as we talk about everything to do with periods. No not the little dot that ends a sentence but the sometimes painful always bloody time of the month for a lot of people worldwide. If you’re a guy feel free to keep on reading, you might learn something you didn’t know. Still, also it’s all good if this isn’t something you want to read about, but I strongly urge you do read as I’m pretty sure you will know at least one person who has periods, and you never know when they might need your help whether it is getting period supplies or just a friendly face to talk to. 

Without further waiting, let's talk PERIODS.

First, off not everyone has the same period, not every period is the same, some months you can breeze through it others you want the ground to make a hole and swallow you up just so you don’t have to be in pain. I’ve had all different kinds of periods, ones from no pain at all, they were all in the first couple of years of my periods starting, to the most painful I had when my periods had well and truly settled into my adolescent body. I’ve had everything from cramps, fainting, vomiting and being in crippling pain on the bathroom floor, only to be greeted the next day with the heaviest most painful period I’ve known, thankfully that night was a one-off.

The same can’t be said for fainting, that’s happened twice though one was mostly to falling having had no breakfast which after a period did follow the next day. The second was entirely down to period cramps and happened to be a half-day at school, though a half-day I managed to still leave after every student as I had to wait for my mum to pick me up. It was a day I’d been looking forward to as after school I was meant to be going swimming at the beach with friends though fainting put a quick end to that when they saw me being driven home, I was mortified when my mum said Freya isn’t going swimming she fainted at school, so I’m taking her home, I had up to that point had a bit of hope she’d say I could still go, but no I had to miss out because of fainting though I wouldn’t have been swimming anyway  not unless I wanted to test out a tampon which I wasn’t keen on doing. This also happened to be the same day as the second and most devastating Christchurch earthquake it also occurred around the same time, the afternoon news was on, and it had just come through live. All of these incidents I will talk about again in a bit more detail, don't worry, it won't be gory, it will just be my experiences with them.

I’ve never spoken about periods this publicly or really to anyone apart from close friends, mainly because it seems to be such a taboo subject yet it’s one of the most naturalist things anyone could go through in their lives. My mind was changed about the whole way I looked at it when I started listening to an audiobook named Periods by Emma Barnett. If you haven’t read it or listened to it, I highly recommend you do. I heard of it through watching a video from Louise Pentland, a British YouTuber whose video was on doing a plastic-free period. I also highly recommend watching as she mentions this audiobook and has some good points for if you are thinking about going plastic-free for periods. Something I am thinking about since watching that video. Plus it's something that is going to be so beneficial for the planet. Yes, it might seem gross, and that's OK it is a little. Still, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. I like so many other young women never spoke about the pain I’ve gone through or having to hold onto the wall while on the toilet because I’ve gone hot, sweaty and felt faint just because of a heavy period or particularly bad cramps that day or week. Yet here I am behind a laptop screen openly talking about them simply because of two amazing women. 

I’ve never been diagnosed with anything. In all honesty, I never really knew about any medical diagnosis to go with painful periods. Or even if there was anything in fainting while on or near the first day of one. I’ve never sought out medical advice, I guess I’ve hated the idea of having to speak to anyone in person about my period or what they might say which I know is silly and maybe I should the next time I get bad cramps, which thankfully haven’t happened for a while. I also think a big part of me thought that's what’s meant to happen on your period. You’re meant to feel this pain and feel faint you are after all losing an egg, blood, and uterus lining (sorry if this is TMI, but it happens every month across the globe and is the simple reality of what a period is all about.) 

For those of you who have openly spoken to a doctor, I applaud you. And ask how the heck do you get the courage to talk about the pain? Even as I write this, I am questioning myself on if this should be uploaded or if  I’ve said something I shouldn’t. Then apart of me says no f what people think or might say the more people who talk about PERIODS, the more normal and acceptable they will become. As every person who is alive was only possible for women having had periods at some point in their lives and knowing that they were going to be able to get pregnant potentially.

My first encounter with a period was horrible, I hated the idea of it and the idea of having it for the next thirty-some years, I hated the idea of pads, tampons and simply anything period related freaked me out. I guess if I’m talking openly about periods, I should say why I hated the first one, the one that changes you from a girl into a teenager, though I wasn’t a teenager in age yet. I was in year seven we’d just had the period talk, with all the girls from the class I was in and the class next door. I remember sitting on the floor cross-legged and looking at this laminated picture of ovaries and fallopian tubes that was on a wheeled whiteboard being held up with magnets. I was just gone twelve and felt like my world was ending, it had started at the weekend something looking back now I am thankful for, had it been a school day I think it would have been even worse. I remember sitting on the toilet and my mum sitting on the bath saying that I needed to wear a pad, and me through sobs saying I didn’t want to wear one, the thought of wearing a pad and seeing blood freaked me out, it didn’t help that we were going out to some friends that afternoon. After about an hour of my mum talking and persuading me telling me I couldn’t just stay on the toilet for a week every time I got my period and that she couldn’t leave me home alone. I was old enough for a period but not yet legally old enough to be left home alone by NZ law. There really wasn’t any other option other than to wear a pad and ride out the first day of having a period. I ha to very quickly accept that this was what my body would be doing every month for a week for the next thirty-some years, something twelve-year-old me was not happy about and in no way was I prepared for it. Something I hope this blog posts will help young girls with who are at the beginning of their period life. I would have been quite happy back then to have been told every month “Hey, you’re not pregnant, keep on keeping on.” But no the reality is every month most of us women go through a lovely thing and sometimes a painful.

As I’ve previously said the first couple of years, I didn’t get any period symptoms no pain, headaches, cramps or sick feeling nothing. After the first initial period was over, I had managed with very few leaks only a couple at night. (Yes this does happen if you don’t get the sucker of a pad right then ha your period will betray you and leak through any item of clothing you are wearing, especially if it is a heavy period.) I was beginning to think that they were one of the easiest things and had no clue why other girls were complaining of pain and cramps when I didn’t experience them. This, as I have also previously stated all changed when I was about fourteen and fainted. Something I hadn’t experienced before then and knew I didn’t want to experience again as I spent that night mostly awake too scared to go to sleep in fear I’d faint again. No one would know, and I’d be unconscious for who knows how long irrational I know. Still, I was fourteen and petrified that something was wrong even though I had been reassured that nothing was wrong from our doctor friend who happened to be there when I fainted, I still needed a blood test to double-check, everything came back clear, and I was ok. The way I would best describe the first time I fainted was seeing nothing but black I heard nothing, I honestly thought  I’d fallen asleep. I actually remember saying after that I felt I had fallen asleep only to be told by my brother that I had in fact fainted. By this point, I was now starting to realise what every girl was talking about. With cramps pains and every other period symptom. 

I also previously mentioned this before. From one period I’d spent the night throwing up in agony on the bathroom floor, it had started with me waking up and my brother hearing me then going and getting my mum who was asleep as it was the middle of the night. She spent the whole night on the floor, with me crying in pain moving every way possible to stop my stomach from hurting. My dad came and checked, I could see them looking at each other with questioning looks. Still, there really wasn’t anything to be done other than riding the sick wave and hoping I had stopped by the time it was morning. If I knew what childbirth felt like I’d say that was pretty close the crippling pain and nausea, it was like no pain I had felt before or even felt since thankfully, a night I’m quite ok not having to go through again.

Then like I’ve also said came the second time I fainted it was 2011 it was in art class my poor teacher hadn’t experienced a student fainting before and was still relatively new to teaching art in a school. In no way, though was she new to art, she was an incredible artist. It was hot in class; it was still very much summer, we had the fan going full blast, but I was still hot sweaty and had cramps. Our teacher had told us to come up to the front of the class as she wanted to show us some things we were going to be drawing. I’d already felt myself going when I was sitting on my seat but had felt too scared to say anything as I didn’t really know what to say and didn’t want to say the word period in front of a class in fear someone would hear me. So I stand with the entire class and not long after I feel myself go. I faint I was later told by some people in my class that I moved around, but my pupils were massive, and that they didn’t know what was happening, I said to them that I had fainted. I had fallen forwards on to the papers our teacher was showing us luckily I didn’t fall back as I would have fallen on the cold floor and students behind me. The nurse came with a wheelchair. (The second time I had needed to be wheeled to the nurse's room, the first time I had cut my foot open, that's a story for another day.) As she wheeled me she leaned forward and asked if I was on my period I very shyly and quietly answered “yes” she didn’t really say anything other than “mmm” I didn’t think much of it other than she must have had this happen before. Thankfully since my highschool days I haven't had any crazy events happen, due to periods, yeah I get cramps and pains, but I know when they will happen, and I now know how to cope with them, unlike my teenage younger self.

I know I’ve been pretty lucky living in a country where sanitary products are accessible. Where when I’ve needed them I could go to my parents and say I needed pads, or that I was having cramps something I’ve very rarely done. Though kind of haven't needed to as the times when they’ve been bad I usually have just got out of the shower wrapped my towel around me and curled up on my bed and my mums seen on the odd times I hadn’t been able to close my door because I’d been so close to passing out had I not made it to my bed. I know I’ve also been lucky with the school I went to and having a school nurse who knew that my fainting was due to my period, and who was also calming and reassuring when I know I so easily could have freaked out for the second time. That night I found it easier to sleep even though I was still wary. And finally, I know I’ve been lucky with the friends I have who on the odd occasion we’ve gone on to the topic of periods have been open and willing to talk about them and not act like they don’t happen. 

As I get older, I’m starting to realise that the more things are talked about that are seen as taboo, the more normal it makes them, and the more I hope it helps people in a less accepting country, family, school or friend group. There really isn’t anything wrong with talking about your period, it’s not going to bring bad upon your family, or your religion. Talking about periods is going to help a younger generation of people learn more about what to expect, what will happen, and when to seek medical advice. It will stop young people from keeping quiet in fear of what might happen to them. It is going to get us one step closer to being able to be proud of what our bodies are able to do. Especially when there are women who for one reason or another who can’t have periods or have more excruciating periods than most leaving them feeling lost and like their own bodies, hate them.

I urge you not to shy away when you need a sick day because of cramps or because you've spent the night throwing up. And you’ve woken to it being on shark week, red week or whatever you call the week when you are on your period. Be open about the reason why you can’t make it in, no one has the right to say anything about it or make you feel bad for it. Be proud. Talk about it. Let people know why you might be a bit moody it’s understandable when you feel like you have a raging uterus inside you that you think wants to escape through your belly, cry when you need to, curl up when you need to, listen to your body and trust your gut when it doesn't feel right or like your normal. I’ve found that on excruciating days eating chocolate specifically dark chocolate only a few pieces though really helps with pain, especially as I’m one who isn’t a fan of swallowing tablets. 

So to reiterate again be proud, speak out and kick out the taboo period talk by talking about them.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post, I know having made it to the end of writing it I’m still nervous for uploading it but know it needs to be uploaded so if you made it this far thank you, it means a lot, and I hope you’ve had an amazing day.

Love always Thinking out loud xx :D