Mental Health Monday week1

Hi Thinking out loud here xx :D

It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve done a post that hasn’t been a poem, its also been two weeks since I last uploaded so feel like this is going to be a much-needed upload. Plus it’s early and on a Monday which never happens. So grab a drink, a snack and a comfy seat this could get long.

I like a lot of people I think have found this year to be a weird one, my brain is starting to get a little bored of itself, I think being an introvert and staying in is suitable for a little while, but even we need to remember that the outside world isn’t completely bad and getting some fresh air and exercise is very much needed. (Note to self here that getting out of my own thoughts is always needed.) It is a little more challenging with COVID and second waves seeming to be happening in more places, but that shouldn’t stop us from being outside, open areas and distancing is doable and is relatively easy as I have found this weekend with the fam.

Towards the end of last week, I was starting to let my thoughts take over, I was starting to overthink everything, something that doesn’t happen often but when it does, it’s like everything is hitting all at once. I allow my thoughts to build up, and it’s hard to not let that happen. That’s when I start to get so into writing and forget about other things that are good for me and help clear my brain.

Because of the nature of the things I write, it’s so easy for my thoughts to go into overdrive, so when my cousin said on Saturday about booking into yoga I allowed myself to book as well, (I say allowed myself because a lot of the time I talk myself out of going when I know how much I love it when we go.) Plus who wouldn’t want to go when you have your favourite Scotsman teaching the class.

Saturday was the start of head-clearing, and a very much needed and overdue hot yoga class, and my best one yet, my body had clearly missed it and was very ready to be back in the hot and sweaty studio. I actually for the first time followed my breath, allowed myself to enjoy it, despite forgetting one of the positions involved standing on our knuckles, the day before the recycling bin lid had slammed partly shut on one of mine (I had to miss out standing on one finger but pushed on with the others, it made my balance a little off, I was happy with myself that I persisted, something that before COVID, I would have sat down on my towel and skipped completely.)

I was able to do all the bending back movements, including the one that really cool guitarists do. I knew I could do it, but as I said to my cousin whenever we got to that part I was always getting to the point of being over that part of the class, but Saturday was different. Saturday made me appreciate what I knew I was able to do, what I knew I really do enjoy and what I had missed, I don’t know what was different maybe my mindset, perhaps the physical and mental need of yoga. Perhaps it was knowing how good it is both physically and mentally or simply, being with a teacher who genuinely loves yoga, loves teaching and loves helping us with our practice as much as we love helping him with his.

I also got some vacuuming done, it’s mundane I know but seeing little crumbs and purple feathers everywhere (the little cousin has been practising a dance that she hopefully has coming up, that is all dependant on how COVID goes, in the next little while. Her costume has these purple feathers that come off every time she moves.) So that was Saturday the start of head-clearing, something I don’t think I have needed more than I did, a little side note the way I described it to my cousin after yoga was I had been getting so into my thoughts and as we always say we never regret going to yoga, we are always thankful for it, and always say we need to go more, something I am determined to do.

Our yoga place has all the required restrictions, they do a deep clean after every class, and some positions have been changed for now, and teachers aren’t allowed to help with moving us into the correct position if we are a little out. They are so aware of how much yoga is needed, classes are much smaller, and the need for booking is now required. We have taped lines for where our mats go, so we don’t touch our neighbours, it’s a little weird considering sometimes in some positions we do end up touching, those have been altered slightly, so we don’t touch. A bizarre concept to get your head around for sure.

Sunday I carried on with the head-clearing, we went for such a lovely earlyish morning walk to see some wild kangaroos and koalas, something I will never tire or get bored of seeing, the kangaroos were everywhere though we only saw one koala spotted by me, I earned the dollar (still waiting for it.) We then did gardening in the arvo, clearing and tidying the front garden which ended up being four trailer loads of green waste to add to the drying pile at the bottom of the garden to burn before fire restrictions set in, I have a feeling they will be put in place soon given today is the last day of winter.

We all agreed that on weekends we need to go for a walk, especially as soon we will hopefully be having a little puppy joining the fam. We all noticed that we’ve been getting tied down with work, renos and gardening, not necessarily being together as a fam during those times. But this weekend has put in motion a new plan, and one I think will be beneficial. I guess me partly voicing me getting too into my thoughts helped.

I don’t talk about my overthinking a lot I do keep a lot of things to myself, I always have, and I know I still will, part of the reason why I started writing was so I had an outlet for the overthinking, granted that was through the form of lyrics, which with now going onto novel writing has over time changed that outlet, and I have let the lyric and thought writing slip. With having let it slip, I will help myself more by getting back into that. Its shown to me that with talking and saying what I think we’ve all in away needed was good. I’m not good with opening up, I find it quite confronting, talking about feelings, emotions and general well being, it can be overwhelming which is why I’m happy to write it all down in lyrics that I no know one will see. It at least that way gets it out of my head and frees up some space, take it as if you were to clear space on a computer, Ipad or your phone because you are running out of space, we also need to do that with ourselves if only to minimise the mental build of the daily intake of new information, that happens unknowingly every day.

It’s also been nice getting away from social media, even though I have still in part been on over the weekend. The few hours over both days away from a screen was refreshing, and again something I know I need to do more of to help calm the overthinking.

It’s so easy to let excuses get in the way I know a favourite is “I’d love to do that, but life happens” life does happen, but that shouldn’t mean we should stop living because of work, renos, gardening or other things that over time become mundane, and a little boring. We need to remember that those things will still be there tomorrow or next week, but life will pass us by and what we can do now we won’t always be able to do it. It’s slightly more problematic in some places with restrictions I realise. Still, if you can take time this week or this weekend to spend time on your mental health, whether you struggle with your mental health or you don’t, I think we could all do with a mental detox, step away from screens, step outside, spend time with people in your bubble, and do something you really love, or have been meaning to do but haven’t given yourself the time to do it. There isn’t a better time than right now. This goes without saying but keep COVID in mind keep the distancing if that applies but don’t let it be a thing that stops you from living. Unless you are in lockdown, or in a restriction, there are things you can do at home that allow you to be away from a screen and help clear your mind.

If you are like me, then a mind clearer is much needed and if not a little overdue. I have for a little while been thinking of starting a new series I guess you could call it, a little bit of a kick start to the week, where each week I ramble on about something mental health-related, there is so much to talk about especially at the moment. I know for me as I’ve already said as much as it seems daunting talking about it, it helps. It is hard to talk about, but I want to start getting out of that mindset of we can’t talk about it, it’s taboo to talk about it because honestly, it shouldn’t be, it should be apart of everyday conversations. It should be talked about more openly and not be seen as us not coping because its a subject that isn’t touched. This could involve other things that lead to other topics, which also are seen as unspoken topics. If this year teaches us anything it should be that we need to open up more, we need to talk about what gets us down what helps us when we are down and away of moving forward and looking to things that can and will happen in the future from the good and the bad and ways of coping with everything that happens. It will be called Mental Health Mondays with the week number, so this will be week one. If this is a series you would like let me know in the comments, share it around #MentalHealthMonday and let’s get talking about things that shouldn’t be taboo, let’s help each other, whether we are physically together or supporting from afar, spread the virtual love and hugs and share the happy moments along with the ones that you might need help with, we are stronger and better together so Kia Kaha, Kia Maia, Kia Manawa, Me Te Aroha. Be strong, Be brave, Be Steadfast, with love.

Also, if there is anything specifically that you would like me to talk about, please let me know in the comments, this is something I would like as many people as possible to join in on.

Thank you as always for reading. I hope you have a lovely day. 

Love always Thinking out lout xx :D

Mental Warming Global Illness

This is a fiction piece of writing, I know what I have written a lot of people feel and live with every day, this isn't meant in any way to hurt or harm anyone. These are my own thoughts and for the most part, written from the viewpoint of a fictional character.

Imagine a life where, for months, I can go with not knowing what's happening, not being present in my own life. My body is there, but my mind is elsewhere I want to know what's going on but I can't, I try with every being in my body, but it doesn't work. I'm sat on a sofa, my body is present, but my mind isn't, I hear a cough. I walk into the room behind where I was previously sitting, staring out of a window. 
In the room I see a cot, in that cot is a baby, for a split second, I don't know who he is. That's right. I have a child, this young infant is my son. I pick him up carrying him back to where I had been, I place him on my lap remembering the life around me, the life I'm sometimes detached from. I don't remember it all but enough to get me through the next few minutes, enough for him to now be OK as he falls asleep in my arms. I won't remember this tomorrow neither will my son he's too young to understand, he's too young to know that I don't remember day to day life, that I don't remember him. 

I'm disconnected from the world around me, one day I'll remember, I can feel it, when it will be I don't know, but I will, when I do I'll be a part of life again, I'll be apart of society. I'll be me the old me before I got given a label. Before I got diagnosed. Before I found out what was 'wrong' with me. Before society had a name for what it saw me as, a name I didn't see myself as, people call it depression, anxiety, de-realisation, personality disorder, the list is endless. I see it as being me who I am I live with it. I cope with it, putting a label or a name to it makes it worse makes me feel less a part of society. My son doesn't know that to him I'm mum that's all he needs to know when he grows I'll still be mum a little different but still mum, in society I'll always be a label a name that isn't mine. 
I like it hidden away I can be me and just me no name, no label; I can live in my head and be safe until I have to leave, by then I'll be OK, I'll have helped myself, I'll have found a way to cope, with forgetting who I am. Until someone reminds me making me remember I'm not who I thought I was, telling me I'm a label, I'm a name that Isn't mine. 

I'm a part of a never-ending cycle where things have to have an explanation where the world is getting darker life is changing but we. We stay the same in a world we can't keep up with because we get stuck on trying to find out what's 'wrong' instead of moving, developing, changing what we do without needing an explanation. 
Imagine what it will be like if we don't, we'll all end with a label. A name that isn't our own. The lives we know won't be the same, the experiences we know will be a mear imprint of what they once were if we don't learn if we don't change. Our minds are there, but our bodies are left behind, left in a world that can no longer hold them, left in a world that isn't able to look after them because we didn't look after it. 
We didn't put a label on it we didn't give it a name that wasn't it's own it gave us it's own name by showing its scars. Showing us how it was starting to break down in front of us, but we do it to ourselves, we do it to others in our lives. When it comes to affecting a world, we'd instead run and hide, hoping that the life dying around us heals on its own with no change. It isn't depression, it isn't anxiety, it isn't de-realisation, it isn't a personality disorder; it isn't an endless list. It's global warming, its the world telling us it needs help, it's speaking up, and we need to listen.
I want for one day my son and his generation, to not be given labels, not be a given a name that isn't their own. I want him to be able to say this is what I feel, this is what I think, and it's OK, it's part of me, who I am, I'm not broken, I'm not 'special' I am me, I'm perfect as who I am, and I don't need to change to fit in. I want the next generation like my son to be happy with who they are, I don't want him to be like me living in a world of not knowing, living in a world where the earth is dying, living in a mind that's confused. Because who I am isn't broken, it is lost, and I'm OK with that I am me, I am enough, and I'm here to be me and to be a part of society, without the labels I've been given.

Like the mother and her child, nothing is wrong we just need to not be so loud so we can hear the devastation of what's happening around us before its too late if it isn't already too late. It doesn't need a label or a name, it can be a lesson learnt to not be repeated. Why let another living thing be taken because of us? Why let lives not be lived because we can't cope? Let's start changing, let's start working and let's start making a difference for people we put labels on for people we give names that aren't their own, and for a world, we quickly won't be able to save.

Side, not this popped into my head a couple of years ago when we first started talking about global warming and really seeing some of its impacts. I had initially planned on uploading it the day I wrote it so I couldn't let myself overthink my words, I guess the plan didn't work, but since re-reading it, I feel like now is a better time to post this short story, piece of writing whatever you want to call this. When I first wrote this, I had been thinking a lot about the world around us and how we see people differently to us, and I think this sums up how I felt and still feel about it. 
I hope this made you think about maybe your own life, people around you or the world we live in.
If you enjoyed this read or you have your own thoughts about this, please share them in the comment section lets talk about how we feel, let's see if we can make a change, or make a difference whether it be mentally, physically or for the greater good of this world.
I don't mind how you take this piece of writing if you take it for the mental notes or for the global side it's here for you to interpret it how you want to. There is no hidden letter no hidden secrets just a piece of writing that had to be written, with that I thank you for reading and hope you have a lovely day.

Love always Thinking out loud xx :)