21/05/2020

Thinking out loud

Hey Thinking out loud here xx :D


I have been absent for a couple of weeks. I needed a break to get on top of writing/ editing and critique reading. I also needed to give my brain a little bit of time away from the weekly uploads. I have found that during this time of isolation and not being able to do certain things, I needed to let my brain rest. I half feel it has, and half feel it hasn’t, but I am ready to do another blog upload. It seems I can’t be away from any kind of writing for too long even if I have still been writing during these two weeks, my brain goes ‘ah but you haven’t written a blog post though have you?’ True I haven’t so here we are, at yet another blog post. This week I want to do something a little different, and it might be something I do with future blog posts, but we’ll see how this one does. I find I get bored quickly with one topic, so find myself trying to change up my writing when and where I can. Hope you don’t mind, this blog is one of those things I change the most. Whether it be a poem one week or month to a short story the next to just random musings as and when they come to me. So find a comfy seat, grab a drink and a snack this could get long. I do love to type, and I do like a long post. I hope you have a little half-hour or so to spare.


I find it funny how I’ve never actually titled an upload called Thinking out loud, so here today I present Thinking out loud and thinking out loud is what I’m going to do. A friend recently said she loves reading these posts as it shows my thoughts, but that got me thinking I very rarely let loose with my thoughts on here. I used to in the early days of this blog, but now my thoughts mostly come through those as characters in a short story or a poem, however, I do sometimes do the odd post based on something that is happening but very rarely something that has come straight from me, so it’s time I rectify that.


Over the past couple of days, I have been getting back into listening to I guess I’d call them spiritualist though they are so much more than that, they are guiders through life and in many way teachers. The main person I’ve listened to and have listened to on and off for a few years is the late and great Dr Wayne Dyer I find myself coming back to him at random stages, but I find I’m never not thinking about what he says. 

I’m someone who for as long as I can remember always grew up with a more significant understanding of life around me, and an awareness that nothing truly dies from not only people and animals but nature as well. I know as a child, I didn’t get that understanding from listening to Wayne I didn’t know about him when I was younger. That early understanding came from my parents (no, they are not hippies). Still, they have over the years not necessarily when I was a small child but definitely since I’ve got older and this understanding has grown, they instilled the importance of everything we have around us and to be kind to everything and everyone. 

Now as I listen to “spiritualist” (I think in need to find a different word for them as that doesn’t seem right), I’m understanding more and becoming more thankful especially in these COVID-19 times. I find myself looking out of the window and being grateful for the trees that help us breathe, the grass and the plants. Then find myself thinking that we so easily get rid of them and more often than not, we don’t replace them. If the reason is that a tree has died and needed getting rid of it isn’t replaced for new growth and new nature enhances. I find that over the past three months or so where nature hadn’t boomed before because of human interference, it is now expanding. I think we can learn a lot from how natural life is changing with us not constantly being on roads and our lives slowing down, maybe this is what the earth and all of its inhabitants need more of. 

Over the last few days, I have had an appreciation and thankfulness that we are so incredibly blessed to live with the things we have. We are so lucky for the air we breathe, the water we can get from a tap and the ability to go wherever we want whenever we want. I find it surprising though how when you take away one of those things, everything changes. I see it like old fashioned weighing scales where you have two dishes hanging side by side. Say you put two bunches of grapes in one side and only one bunch of grapes in the other, the side with two bunches of grapes is clearly heavier, therefore, is weighed down more. Now say you remove one of the bunches and it balances out now obviously the remaining bunches have to be exactly the same weight for this they are the same weight. 

Now put that into what is happening around us, we’ve taken away the privilege of being able to go anywhere in the world we’ve effectively taken away one of the weights from one of the dishes. There was air in one dish and in the other running water from a tap (let’s say these two things way the same) let’s say in the air dish we then add the ability to travel absolutely anywhere in the world no restrictions just you and a desire to be somewhere. Now that air dish is being weighed down, there is now an imbalance. Say this is the pollution in the air, the murky colour of water in rivers, streams, lakes etc. grey hazes in populated cities, nature struggling, a decline in the animal population. Trees and plants getting sick with having to fight for light and space, or simply being destroyed for our benefit of the new towns, cities and homes. 

If we take away travel from the air dish we see this new balance, we see the changes in nature we see the quality in the air, animals in some places taking over, sediments being able to settle in rivers, lakes, streams etc. For the first time in hundreds of years from us not using them, we are seeing the clear water. Therefore we are also breathing in cleaner air, from this slow pace not being able to go anywhere way of living. From this I hope we learn that yes sometimes we need to use transport for getting us to places, but we also don’t always have to go out, we are learning more about our back gardens, and what we have on our doorsteps, by that I don’t mean our literal back gardens, I mean our local areas, and the walks that before COVID I can guarantee we didn’t know existed. 

I’m not saying go back to times when cars weren’t readily available, or when it was back to only being horse and carriage. I’m saying maybe we need to look more closely at what we use to make cars, planes, trains etc. go, I’m saying look at the petrol, diesel, unleaded petrol etc. and oil that goes into them. I’m saying make environmentally-friendly (electric) vehicles more affordable. Let’s stop thinking of how much we can get out of people and turn our thoughts to how we can help in keeping the environment clean, keeping pollution down and help keep the planet become greener, a more eco-friendly and a healthier place to be. I know this won’t happen overnight, and I know this way of life didn’t happen overnight, but we have to start somewhere so why not make the changes we have already made be the starting place.


I went on a bit of a tangent there and completely diverted from Dr Wayne Dyer and what I have been listening to. But that’s the thing although he passed away (I say passed away and not died because as I said way back at the beginning of this post, I believe nothing truly dies.) Long before COVID-19 was a thing, he talked about appreciating what we have, being thankful for the now, and not letting things get on top of us. 

He often says that what we think whether it be positive or negative thoughts what we think that is what’s going to happen. What we inwardly think is what we outwardly put into the world. I honestly think that has shown so clearly with COVID with the countries that have gone “right we are doing lockdown for this long, after this set period we will re-evaluate where we are and change what needs to be changed from there.” Compared to the countries that have gone “we have COVID, we have a few instances of deaths, but we are still OK we are still able to not be in lockdown we are still able to go out BUT be cautious.” to those countries now facing what I honestly think is going to be hard to change and get that balance back that I was talking about. That balance of air, water and the ability to travel. I also just want to add that I do believe that having all three of those in equal quantity is possible. We just need to find the right balance, how do we do that? I don’t know. 

Again back to Wayne and what I’ve been listening to. Over this time I have been connecting more with my inner self (god how one with nature that makes me sound, no I’m not a hippie, nor do is wish to be one, I also have nothing against anyone who is a hippie). Still, I have been connecting with my inner self, and I suddenly have this sense of calm, and I have been practising that what you think is what you put out into the world. From the positive to the negative and it is so true when I have been having negative thoughts I have made a conscious effort to stop myself before hopefully they have had the chance to manifest, fingers crossed at least. 

I had the strongest urge to write a manifestation list. I’ve never written one before but seeing all these things written down, and already starting to do some of them has helped in the positive thoughts and the lighter feeling that I have come to notice. I know when people recommend things and say how wonderful and amazing it is and say all these lovely words about it, it can seem off-putting. But please if you do ever get the chance to listen to one of Dr Wayne Dyer’s radio shows, a video on youtube or read one of his books I strongly urge you to do so. Take the time to listen to what he talks about, it is so eye-opening, calming and really puts everything into perspective. Another thing he talks a lot about is perspective and somehow it fits so well with the world around us right now. 


I just want to point out that before writing this post, I didn’t see the COVID imbalance thing as scales that thought came to me purely through writing that part of this blog post. But now that I have written it I can’t stop seeing it as being those old fashioned scales, so I do hope that little analogy has helped, as random as it was.


As always thank you so much for reading this blog post, I know it was far from what I feel I usually write, but this is something I think I have been needing to write. I might make this a more regular thing but as I said at the beginning I shall wait and see how this blog post goes. I did enjoy writing this, and I hope you have enjoyed reading it and I sincerely hope it didn’t take too long to read. 

During these times I am still thankful for key workers the world over, I know some countries are slowly getting back to a little bit of normal, but critical workers are still out there working hard so to you lovely people thank you again. To everybody, please stay safe, if you can keep social distancing, even with restrictions slowly being lifted. 


Just quickly before I leave this post and before it gets any longer, I saw a thing last week on Facebook a picture showing these kids who were born in 1900 they went through WWI when they were fourteen. It then ended when they were eighteen 22 million people were killed. Later that year they went through a Spanish flu epidemic that lasted until they were twenty, 50 million people died. 

At twenty-nine, the great depression began, unemployment hit 25% a global GDP dropped 27% that ran until they were thirty-three. At thirty-nine, WWII started, they weren’t even at what we now class as middle-aged. At forty-one, the USA was fully pulled into the war, it then ended when they were forty-five. Between their thirty-ninth and forty-fifth birthday, 75 million people perished in the war, not to mention the Holocaust that killed 6 million. 

 At fifty-two, the Korean war began 5 million people perished. Coming up to their sixty-second birthday they had the Cuban missile crisis, a tipping point in the Cold War. At sixty-four the Vietnam war began, 4 million people died in that conflict. As they turned seventy-five, the Vietnam war finally ended. 

Finally, they make it into their eighties, at eighty-five their grandchildren then thought that their grandparents didn’t understand how hard school was. Yet those grandparents and some maybe now great grandparents survived through everything history at the time had to throw at them. Might I add school being a little hard was nothing compared to what they lived through, and then I’m sure the many sleepless nights they had to encounter.

It just shows though that throughout history yes, there have been many hard times, many deaths, some uncountable that have come with those hard times. Though they have never lasted, there has always been an end date, they may have gone on for years, but they have always ended. 

Remember these times too will end, we will talk about it in years to come; I’m sure as we talk about everything that has happened in not only our lives but our ancestors’ lives. It will become a memory in time. To make it a memory in time and for it to get added to the history books, we have to keep safe, keep social distancing. Although restrictions maybe being lifted still only go out as and when we need to. Keep safe, be kind and be thankful. This as all events in history will pass.

Kia Kaha, Kia Maia, Kia Manawanui, Me Te Aroha. Be strong, Be brave, Be steadfast, with love. 

Love always Thinking out loud xx:D


19/05/2020

Fourteen years and counting

Hey Thinking out loud here xx :D

Here is a bit of a surprise blog post, I wasn’t expecting to upload today, but since it is the fourteenth anniversary of my family and I moving to New Zealand I thought I would write a little post talking about it. Hope you enjoy, I will be back on Thursday with the weekly upload hope you enjoy this one.


Where have fourteen years gone, It’s hard to believe that at ten years old my family and I made the life-changing move from everything we knew in the UK to New Zealand a place we knew nothing about. I remember spending our last night in the UK in the airport hotel in Manchester, I phoned some friends as once final goodbye with us not knowing how long it would be until we would be seeing them again.

Then off we were on our way to Singapore, where we would spend the next few days exploring and learning about a new culture and new foods. The heat lets not forget that first bit of hot air that hits you when you walk out of an entirely airconditioned airport, and the rain that feels like someone has left the hot tap running but what a beautiful country it was and a place we have been sure to revisit.

We then made our way to Australia, where we landed in Sydney, we met up with one of my cousins and his wife. What an experience and a little bit of a hint at what our new lives would look like. We didn’t make it to the famous Bondi beach, and I do still have it on my list of places I one day will visit. We do though see the harbour bridge my dad and brother did climb it, and we did go to the Opera house what a fantastic piece of architecture it is. I also remember thinking wow I’m in the home of Hi-5 which at the time was mind-blowing for me I was a fan and used to watch it in a morning before going to school.then after a little less than a week we were back on a plane for the very last leg of our flying journey.

A few hours later and me having been asked to hand out sweets (that was my first introduction to the word lollies, which I now do use.) once they were handed out, and myself and this other kid were back in our seats we began the descent into Auckland New Zealand. Home of the Kiwi, the bird and the people, also Maori, the land of the long white cloud Aotearoa (and it does have some beautiful long white clouds.) It’s also the home of the extinct Moa, the culture and of the Maori and the language of the Maori. The country where although rugby was invented it is very much a beloved and harnessed sport despite what trivial pursuit says about gold being its number one sport and our new home.


May 19th holds a lot of memories. A lot of emotions but so many new beginnings. It’s a day I won’t ever forget and one I will always cherish and be thankful for. It’s a day when we indeed were just the four of us in this new country, we spent the first night in a hotel where as soon as I saw the bed I fell asleep I think it might have been sometime in the morning. However, I slept until the arvo then still managed to sleep that night. Jetlag was a killer and had hit me on both stops before getting to NZ.

The next day we then picked up a campervan our home for the next week as we travelled around the north island and found where our new home would be. It happened to be a place north of Auckland where we on our week-long travels kept going back to and has since been our home for the past fourteen years minus a few years for me where I have been in Australia. Though NZ is still very much my home and a massive part of who I am.

We grew up on the hibiscus coast and what a beautiful and unique place it has been. From stunning beaches to breathe, taking walks and kind-hearted people. Along the way, we have met some exceptional people for me, that is my friend group from high school who I honestly see them as being like my extended family. Since growing up away from my fam they somehow over the years have become the family, I’m so glad I have in NZ. Without them, I know life in NZ wouldn’t have been the same or nearly half as easy as it has been so for those lovely people I am forever thankful and can not wait to see them once I can be with them.


I can’t lie though it hasn’t always been easy, with family events we have missed, to births and deaths in the family. Though with technology the way it has evolved more so over the past five years, we have been able to be apart of some of these events through video calls. We’ve had some 2 am weddings in PJs, being in attendance from the comfort of my mum and dads bed. We’ve also been fortunate enough to attend funerals one that was also a 2 am attendance that also happened to be on the day of one of my best friends wedding. These times though have only brought us closer together as a family of four and only made us stronger.

Yes, my brother and I have fought like siblings do but I feel with moving halfway around the world at ten and thirteen and having only each other to hang out with and explore new places we learned pretty quick how lucky we were to have each other. Yes, we do still have our moments but remember what siblings are for, they are our first best friends, always there when we need them and are the first to set you right before your parents get to you.

As my mum always says its six of one and half a dozen of the other. When I was little, my maths wasn’t that great, so I was confused as to what she was saying. As I got older, I ultimately understood what she was saying, so I always tried to make it out like I never did anything lets be honest I was just as good at annoying my brother if not more so than he was at annoying me. Does anyone see a little angle around here where butter wouldn’t melt? But the move did teach me that we are so lucky to have what we have.

I am so grateful and thankful to my parents for making the tough decision of leaving there parents, their siblings, nieces, nephews and friends. To give my brother and me a different childhood to what they had, and for all of us to experience a similar yet different way of life.

I would never have thought I would be walking to beaches in bare feet, crossing hot summer melting roads in bare feet, and playing in a playground in bare feet without teachers telling me to put my shoes back on. What a childhood, what a life even with the stubbed toes, foot cut open and still learning to listen to my parents when they are right.

Thank you, mum and dad, for an amazing fourteen years, we’ve had some incredible times over the years, and I can not wait to see what the next fourteen years bring us for our lives in the beautiful Aotearoa.


Thank you for reading love always Thinking out loud